Back to School in Covid Times

Made by Third Party Family Therapy

How can we support our children?

Summer’s almost over and the new school year is upon us. Whilst some children approach a new school year with anticipation and excitement to see their friends and get back to learning, for others it’s always a challenge starting a new school year. They may not have seen their classmates all summer, and some schools mix up the class groupings every year. Teachers may have moved on to another school. All these factors can cause feelings of anxiety at the start of a school year under usual circumstances, but this year we have the added dimension of Covid-19 which has now been part of their childhood reality for 8 months. It seems to be here to stay and is an additional reason for children to feel nervous or even anxious about returning to school.

‘Curling parents’

It’s okay to have these feelings. It’s also a natural reaction as parents to want to ‘fix’ things for our children and remove any unhappiness or unpleasant feelings. The Danish have a great expression for parents who try to remove obstacles and smooth the way for their kids. They’re called ‘Curling Parents,’ with reference to the Winter sport. This brilliantly depicts the way so many of us act as ‘the sweeper,’ enthusiastically skating ahead of our kids and furiously sweeping the metaphorical ice to create a smooth and unobstructed path. Our kids are not curling stones and don’t need their paths swept clear. The best way to support them is acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s normal and okay to have them and that those feelings can even help in certain situations.

Everyone wants a good first day

Explain to them that nerves can be an indicator that going back to school is important to them and are there because they want to do their best. Remind them of their very first day of school, and how everyone, even the teachers felt nervous. Everyone wants a good first day and feels a little anxious about how it will unfold. Fortunately, first days usually go better than expected, and a reminder of previous positive experiences may help reduce fearful anticipation. Empathy and support are what they need.

In the absence of a handshake or hug

Your child may be nervous about how to behave around their best friends in school. Their usual physical behaviours, hugging, kissing, or playful wrestling are no longer permitted due to social distancing requirements. Talk to your child about other ways to be around each other. Suggest a fun greeting such as a foot tap. It may feel quite comical and lighten the situation to practice alternative physical greetings at home. When it feels more natural they may feel comfortable suggesting it to their friends as a greeting ritual. Thinking about and having a plan around social greetings at school could help them feel more confident around friends and prevent the slight awkwardness we all sometimes feel now in the absence of a handshake or hug. An alternative physical connection allows them to still feel some bond with friends; a way to feel close without being too close and to soften the distance.

Parents may also be feeling some anxiety about the return to school. Concerns include what we should be looking out for.

 

 

 

• Watch your child’s physical health
• Look for any signs of changed behaviour.
• Check in with your children a bit more often than you did before.
• Remind them it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes and that its okay to have worries. The most important thing is that they have a safe place to be open about it.
• Remember that your child looks to the adults around them in their everyday life and follows those examples and emotional cues, so manage your own emotions well and demonstrate a calm approach.

Take the proactive step of having a conversation with your child before they go back to school. Hear their concerns and reassure them that everyone is aware of the additional challenges they’re facing and will do their best to make them feel safe. Enjoy your morning coffee in peace on that first day, happy in the knowledge that your child is prepared and resilient and that we’re all one step closer to returning to normal life!

Co-written by Nicola Jane Gregory and Jo Green